Tag Archive | evilwordsmith

This Is Your Brain On Stupid – #4

Feb24

The Shirt Incident

Big news from the 3rd grade child who got straight A’s, Made the Principles list, Reads on a 12th grade level…..tied the arm sleeves of his shirt together, yes while he was still wearing it and couldn’t get them untied!

The WHOLE class knew what he had done…including the teacher. Who for some reason was upset with the antics. Can’t imagine why.

But thanks to Iverson (a fellow student), the boy child was freed and replaced his arms back in the sleeves where they belonged.

Alive and well, ready to tell Momma “I did something stupid today”.

© 2012 Evil Wordsmith. Evilwordsmith.com. All Rights Reserved.

Mozzarella Firefox

Nov29

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A few nights ago the Prince and I are sitting on the couch. He’s playing with his laptop (yes he has his own laptop) and he’s getting frustrated. Finally he says:

“Momma my Mozzarella isn’t working!”

Say what? I replied trying to figure out what in the world he’s talking about.

“My Mozzarella! I can’t get to my starwars game!”

I look at his laptop and what he’s talking about is Mozilla’s Firefox.  I tell him – Honey it’s Mozilla, there’s no R in it; it’s not a piece of cheese.

To which he replies – “Why not, you use a mouse to get to it!”

The End is Near..Ok..

Nov29

We are watching the movie “2012”..don’t ask me why. There is a scene where the Pope and his Bishops are on their knees in the Vatican praying as the world is coming to an end. Now I won’t go into the movie implying this gathering is inside Vatican City in Saint Peter’s Basilica and under the dome; with no sign of the altar with Bernini’s baldacchino (the black columned altar); and I won’t point out that these men of faith look up to see Michelangelo’s painting of God touching Adam’s finger which is actually in a totally different building know as the Sistine Chapel….But I digress. 

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The dome above the Pontiff & his Bishop’s starts to crack, right between the fingers of God and Adam.
As the ceiling begins to fall, our little Prince says:
“Well I guess they can stop praying now”.

Kid Thinking Out of the Balloon

Sep11

Last night as the family was going to bed we were doing our usual impression of The Waltons, “Good night kid, good night Momma, Good night Daddy…” We heard the one of the cats getting into the toilet paper in the bathroom. I put the kibosh on that and went back to bed. I said, “We need some balloons so we can keep them out of the toilet paper and other various things they should avoid getting into.”

After a minute or so, which I suppose was how long it took the kid’s mind roll this around, the kid said, “That would be cool, if we hung the toilet paper from the balloon then they wouldn’t be able to reach it.”

Suddenly we’re cracking up because I started imagining all kinds of things hanging from helium balloons. I’m guessing the kid still doesn’t know how balloons really work to keep cats out of things.

E.W.

And I know some of you out there don’t know either. If you put a balloon in front of something you don’t want the cat to bother, when they swipe at it or try to climb it, it explodes. Most cats avoid those places afterwards.

© 2012 Evil Wordsmith. Evilwordsmith.com. All Rights Reserved.

This Is Your Brain On Stupid – #3

Jan26

The Shoe Incident

Um Momma…I have something to tell you…

Today at breakfast (at school no less), I was playing with my shoe and I put my finger in it like this…and then I couldn’t get it out. 

Momma…starts giggling.

I started crying and yelling for help. Some of the teachers came to help and NO one could get my finger out!

Momma…starts laughing.

Finally one of the teachers said let’s take the shoe off and see if we can cut it out of there. I was really scared they were going to cut my finger off.

Momma is now laughing hysterically.

When they got it off something happened and my finger ust came loose. I was so scared they were going to have to cut my finger off to get the shoe off!

Momma can no longer breath!

© 2012 Evil Wordsmith. Evilwordsmith.com. All Rights Reserved.

This Is Your Brain On Stupid — #2

Oct28

This Is Your Brain On StupidThe Canoe Incident

The man child is out in the backyard working with Daddy to clean up and prepare the fire bowl for an evening of roasting marshmallows. When he suddenly notices the canoe filled to the brim with water.

Well we can’t just let that sit there like that now can we!? No of course no. We need to run and leap over it. At it’s widest point of course.

And so the second of the “Hey y’all watch this!” moments. He gathers himself up, takes off running, and leaps….. right into the water filled canoe.

Yep..that’s our Honor Roll Student!

© 2010 Evil Wordsmith. Evilwordsmith.com. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

This Is Your Brain On Stupid — #1

Jun10

Your Brain On StupidThe ZuZu Pet Incident

So the Honor Roll Student gets a ZuZu pet. We’re on our way to school. As we left the house Momma specifically says “Don’t put that on your head, you’ll get it stuck in your hair.”

As we get to school: “Momma I put him on my head and now he’s stuck in my hair!”

To which Mom and Dad start cracking up and grab the camera! The first moment of the redneck call “Hey y’all watch this”.

© 2010 Evil Wordsmith. Evilwordsmith.com. All Rights Reserved.

It’s about perspective

Jan3

images41.jpgWe spent the last of our present money on going to dinner for our family New Years celebration. We just LOVE the Texas Roadhouse! While there we watched the coverage from the sports bar of the College bowl games. And being New Years Eve there were commercials about Drinking and Driving. The waitresses and waiters made comments about it when they took our order, delivered food and brought the check. Be safe, don’t drink and drive.

At some point in this public message media blitz, the Prince says to Daddy “Momma does it all the time, the drinking and driving.” Daddy asked what he meant since Momma doesn’t drink and the Prince replies “She’s always got a sunkist in the car and drinks when she’s driving.”

Well, that’s true. Shameless plug for Diet Sunskit!

© 2010 Evil Wordsmith. Evilwordsmith.com. All Rights Reserved.

The Prince & His Take On NFL Cheerleaders

Dec20

While watching his team, the Philadelphia Eagles take on the San Francisco 49’ers:
“Momma, Cheerleaders with their cloths on look better.
Without their cloths, not so much.”

SirEvil Daddy – “Boy are you crazy?”

Momma – “That’s right honey, they do look better that way.”

Six-year-old wisdom:

Oct28

The Queen is big on eating dinner at the dinner table, with the TV in the living room off! Dinner time comes and she makes her usual evening announcement.

Queen: Ok, dinner’s ready, turn off the TV and come on.

Prince: Mom! It’s TV dinners, you’re supposed to have the TV on!

© 2009 Evil Wordsmith. Evilwordsmith.com. All Rights Reserved.