Tag Archive | Evil Wordsmith

Professor Da Boot’s Rules For Booting Drivers

Professor Da Boot – Joey Logano

When The Bump and Run Works

Since we lost Earnhardt Senior, there has been more or less a gentleman’s agreement between NASCAR drivers about the rules of civilized racing. Lately, however, there is one driver who seems to be gaming those rules. He seems to have his own set of rules on booting that driver out of his way. That driver is Joey Logano.

So in that spirit I have drafted the unsaid rules for his class in Booting Drivers:

1. I do not need to look, I know they are flipping me off.
2. Never admit that you wrecked the car in front of you.
3. Never admit that you made contact with the car in front of you.
4. Never acknowledge that you noticed the wreck at all.
5. Do not apologize for the wreck, even after you’ve seen the video.
6. Do not be involved in the wreck. It is bump AND run, run being the important part.
7. If he had the faster car, then he couldn’t have been bumped. Q.E.D.
8. If he wants to chat with you in the infield, stay in your car.
9. If you are already out of your car when he comes to chat, keep your helmet on.
10. Never go anywhere without your Dad.
11. If the news guy asks if you are a genius, the answer is “Yes.”
12. If the air can make you wreck, there was really no way you were going to be able to deal with me.
13. When you are not admitting fault for the wreck you didn’t see, always mention your sponsors.
14. If it ain’t broke, fixing it makes it your fault when it don’t work.
15. Yes, I blocked you.
16. If you’re complaining about me blocking you, then it obviously worked.

E.W.

I”m positive that I don’t have all the rules enumerated here. I think I need to go watch some old races with Senior in them.

Fuck I hate Monday.

Feb10

Today Is Monday, It’s Always Monday, From Part II to V

The hard drive in my laptop is dying. So I turned it on at 6:30. It booted probably moments after I left to take the kid to school at 8:00. But… I figured no problem, I have finished the upgrade on my other machine, I’ll just get my mail there. The upgrade installed Gnome 3.8, from the 2.x versions. It comes up with an essentially blank screen. S l o w l y comes up.

It’s not blank, it has what looks like a curtain. I actually waited figuring the curtain might open theatrically and show me a desktop. It didn’t. Except for the clock there are exactly two things you can click on, one is something called “Activities” and the other is my user name. I clicked on “Activities” and fully 10 seconds tick by before it shows me a line of about a half dozen BIG ass icons. Exactly two of these are identifiable, Firefox and the file-cabinet icon of Nautilus. I never use Nautilus, if I want to play around with files, I use a terminal. I have discovered that, with the right tools (Windows doesn’t have them…), it is easier and more efficient to work with files by using all ten fingers than it is to use one finger and a wrist. Continue reading →

Superbowl

Feb2

Evil’s Analysis and Picks

I got 100% of the picks last week. All both of them. Despite that I managed to get 1 out of 4 of the bets. Since when is it a bad bet that New England will cover a spread?

Superbowl still looks the same, Seattle will beat Denver by less than a point. Should be a good game. Unless you’re stupid and put money on it.

My take:

		Denver	Seattle	Favorite	Line	O/U
Denver	Seattle	21	21	Seattle	0	46

Vegas this week:

Favorite	Line	O/U	Bet	O/U
Denver	2.5	48	Seattle	Under

E.W.

If you take a really good pair of binoculars and stand at any window in the White House, House or Senate buildings, and look very carefully, studying thoroughly what you see, you still won’t have the slightest idea of what the State of the Union is. I’m pretty sure this is exactly how they do it though.

Spring’s Conference Results & Superbowl Picks

Jan25

AFC and NFC Conference Results

What great games the conference championships were. And I think for the first time in a long while, the two best teams in the league are the ones going to the Superbowl. Denver had me scared for a little while. As did Seattle. But both of them stepped up and not only played to their potential, but at least in Seattle, they showed who put more heart into the game.

Now much has been said about Richard Sherman’s after game interview. All week I was seriously annoyed by how the Press insisted on showing only half the story. Thankfully Sports Illustrated stepped up and provided video of what caused Sherman’s outburst. Continue reading →

NFL Conference

Jan19

Evil’s Playoff Picks and Analysis

Had a great week last week, nailed half of the games. Of course, no good deed goes unpunished, so the one of the games I nailed saw my favorite team go home for the season.

I got 100% of the picks despite the Indianapolis D doing their dead level best to give me a true failure. Wonder if they got to see the end of that game when they got home.

Superbowl still looks pretty much the same, Seattle will still eek a win by Denver. Maybe a little bit closer of an eek there.

My take: Continue reading →

Spring’s Division Playoff Results & Conference Picks

Jan17

Divisional Playoff Results

Wasn’t last weekend exciting? Each NFL game came down to the wire and it was anyone’s game!

Yeah I know, I was trying to make it sound exciting, but frankly the games last weekend were nowhere near as good as Wild Card weekend.

All my teams won, with the exception of the Panthers. Sadly that’s the one we cared about the most. Seeing as how Evil was born and raised in Charlotte, having the Panthers in the playoffs made everyone in the family happy. And it’s the one game I didn’t win. Continue reading →

NFL Divisional

Jan11

Evil’s Analysis for the Divisional Playoffs

Well the Wildcards sucked. At least the games were great. Well, except Cincinnati…

Clearly I was wrong about practicing your team in a blast freezer so they can be prepared for the cold. New advice: Keep your team warm and cozy right up till game time, if they get cold before the game, they will probably lose.

All I got for the Wildcards was a true failure. It was handed to me by my second most favorite team of all time, Green Bay. Maybe they were trying to save me from the agony of deciding whether to root for the Panthers or them. I need a new cheese head hat, more of a full helmet affair, with eye holes so I can become the unknown cheese head. Continue reading →

Spring’s Wild Card Results & Division Playoff Picks

Jan10

Wild Card Results

Well I had a good wild card weekend! All the games were great to watch, entertaining and nail-biting. Any game that comes down to the final drive or final play to take it all has to be awesome!

I’m so glad the Saint’s pulled out their victory. Of all the games that occurred last weekend that’s the one I was interested in the most. I was a little surprised that Green Bay gave San Francisco such a hard time. But of course, in the end the 49’ers held the Packers off and took that game. And where did San Diego come from? They’re not supposed to be this good. But congrats to them as well. Continue reading →

NFL Wildcards

Jan4

Evil’s Analysis and Picks

Week 17 was fantastic, got 11 games and best of all one of the games I got wrong was Dallas not going to the playoffs. Well they could be I suppose, they’re wealthy guys, I bet they can all afford tickets and air fare.

I nailed the Pittsburgh, New Orleans and New England games

In the true failure category Green Bay is going to the playoffs but I still count that a win.

Computer says that Seattle will still eek a win by Denver in the Superbowl. Should be a great game.

My take:

Away	Home	Away	Home	Favorite	Line	O/U
San Diego	Cincinnati	21	25	Cincinnati	4	46
Kansas City	Indianapolis	19	21	Indianapolis	2	40
New Orleans	Philadelphia	23	24	Philadelphia	2	47
San Francisco	Green Bay	22	24	Green Bay	1	46

Vegas this week:

Favorite	Line	O/U	Bet	O/U
Cincinnati	7	46.5	San Diego	Under
Kansas City	1.5	47.5	Indianapolis	Under
Philadelphia	3	54.5	New Orleans	Under
San Francisco	2.5	46	Green Bay	Over

E.W.

I only have five minutes to post this, so imagine I said something witty as if I had hours to think of it.

Spring’s Week 17 Results & Wild Card Picks

Jan3

Week 17 Results

I had a good week! 13 of the 16 final games. That’s a win ratio of 81%! Woohoo me. I’m excited my Titans won!! Yeah. Though I wish they could have made it to the playoffs. The consolation prize, Dallas didn’t make it either. HeeHee! The three teams that let me down were in toss-up games. At least I think they were. The Jets handily took out Miami. Minnesota stepped it up and took out the Lions. And Kansas City fell to the Chargers. But they didn’t go down easy. That was a good game. Any game that falls into overtime is generally a good game. Whither it means something or not, it’s good football.

Now the big news on Twitter for December 29th was the decision by CBS to switch their broadcast of Denver at Oakland game at halftime to the Kansas City at San Diego game. Many people were quite angry about that decision. They wanted to see Peyton Manning make history. But when the teams returned from the locker room, Peyton did not start the second half. So fans didn’t miss what they thought they were going to miss.

But as my Twitter friend Voodoo Fairy said:
“..that’s like going to a commercial in a #nascar race & coming back to a tractor pull :-/”. Yes..yes it is. So here are my results for this years regular season. Continue reading →