Are you the Sun, Moon or Stars?:

Evil got Asteroid 2010RF3328.

You are a small ball of dirty ice. Calling you mud would be inaccurate, you just aren’t that warm. Your existence has been long, boring and pointless. You will, however, go out in a blaze of glory when you crash down and ruin the morning for thousands. You are pretty much the reason asteroid rhymes with hemorrhoid.

What is your sexual color?

Evil got Plaid.

You are a color who’s only use is to make school girl skirts for perverts like you.

Which horse breed are you?

Evil got Glue.

You are the horse who causes loan sharks to get up early and break the legs of gamblers. Flies won’t land on you because you smell too bad. The stable keeper’s boy quit because of what you did in the stall.

What army job are you?

Evil got Derelict:

At your best you are Sargent Rizzo. As a midlevel leader you are Major Burns. You’d be safer with your back to the enemy, since your own troops are the ones most likely to shoot you. As a general you are George Custer. The best way for the army to put you to good use would be as ablative armor for a tank.

What era are you from?

Evil got B.C.:

The difference between you and a caveman is only language and mathematics. And that only makes you far more dangerous with a club.

What drink are you?

Evil got Mad Dog 20/20:

Yes, your best friends like to hang out in alleys and kick back on their sofas… er ok, pallets and watch the show. The show doesn’t have a name, but if it did they would call it “Say Yes to the Hooker.”

How girly are you?

Evil got Teamster:

Yes, you are girly in the sense that, technically, that girl you saw working the loading dock is physiologically a girl. You know, the one who flipped the fork lift over cause the idiot driver ran over her toes?

Which True Blood character are you?

Evil got “500 Server Error”:

There isn’t a character on that show nearly bad enough to match you. You make Russell seem likeable even when he’s holding someone’s spine. Sorry.

E.W.

I thought about using Buck Henry’s famous quote from Saturday Night Live about puppies for my secret passion, but there are too many dog lovers with big ass killer dogs around here for that and I don’t want to end up like Micheal Vick…