During this past weekend’s Nascar race in Phoenix, Sir Evil said:

Breaking News: Dark Matter Has Been Found

I know where the dark matter is…

1. It’s invisible, you can’t observe it directly. It requires the skill of special personnel to tell you it’s there.
2. It’s apparently dangerous to motorists.
3. It stops time.
4. It only stops time after you get the sense that time must have stopped.
5. It has another name: “debris on the track.”