You are President Jones, and thanks to your innate problem solving skills your buddies at Nielsen tell you your popularity is just north of Number One. Number One of course is the code word you issued for George Washington just to annoy the Creeps, which is the code word for the NSA. Yep you’ve tackled world peace, solved the border problem, boosted taxes (well briefly anyway) and gone a long way toward cleaning up the oil spill in the gulf.

Now I know you Republicans out there are wondering, how exactly does letting the Mexicans come on in count as solving that problem. Now that’s easy, three days after you opened the gate, Santa Anna (code word for President Calderon) sent the Federales (whose real name is so cool they don’t really need a code word) to the border and shut it. And by shut it I mean they built a second fence… er well… lets just say the code word is The Great Wall Of Mexico. And it didn’t cost the Plebs (code word for you, dear reader) a dime.

In light of the massive hard work that you’ve done (and if you don’t think it’s hard work, see how you feel when your hangover begins at the sound of shaped charge taking your jail cell door out…) you’ve decided to take a light day. And so, you are presently sitting quietly, pleasantly taking tea with The Wicked Witch of the West. We’ll get to that code word shortly. Continue reading →