Archive | June 2010

How the Draft Affects Foreign Policy or Operation Gladiator

You are President Jones.  You are in the Oval Office.  You are there because the door is locked and the windows are pretty tough.  So you are doing what presidents do, talking on the phone.  If you don’t believe me, check out any photo op pictures of any president.  They are always on the phone.

“AWESOME!  You da man, Berli!…  Yeah, your debt is paid in full dude…  Yeah, see you tonight man!”

You press a button to get the line to the Shrew, and she answers, “Yes Sir?”

“Tell Captain Tailhook to get the Mile High Club ready, Operation Road Trip is a go.  Then get me the Drinking Buddies and tell them we are wheels up for Operation Gladiator in two hours.  Remind them not to forget the Friendly Scotsman, Andrew Jackson and the Redneck.”  You’re really getting the hang of the code word.

For you non-presidents, I’ll translate.  What you just said was tell the commander of Air Force One to get the plane ready to go to Rome.  And tell the Joint Chiefs that Operation Gladiator is about to commence so don’t forget the Scotch, Jack Daniels and the beer.  We’ll get to Operation Gladiator in a minute. Continue reading

How to Pick a President

I just had a discussion recently with a Fox-breathing republican friend of mine where I pointed out that while I did drink the O koolaid, I’ve been clean and sober for about a year now. There probably should be a 12 step group for this, but I think most of the 12 steppers probably drank the W koolaid.

Now that I’m sober, I realize I haven’t liked any of our presidents much since Reagan. So I started thinking about how we could pick a good one, since this whole voting thing isn’t working out so well.

Now I don’t want to ditch voting entirely, since that seems to lead to things like the Taliban and Kim Jung Il. I kinda like the Queen of England, but after all that shooting a couple centuries back, we really can’t ask her I guess. I thought about this for a long time then it hit me:

Bring back the draft. Continue reading

This Is Your Brain On Stupid — #1

Your Brain On StupidThe ZuZu Pet Incident

So the Honor Roll Student gets a ZuZu pet. We’re on our way to school. As we left the house Momma specifically says “Don’t put that on your head, you’ll get it stuck in your hair.”

As we get to school: “Momma I put him on my head and now he’s stuck in my hair!”

To which Mom and Dad start cracking up and grab the camera! The first moment of the redneck call “Hey y’all watch this”.

© 2010 Evil Wordsmith. Evilwordsmith.com. All Rights Reserved.

Just One Train

A Slow Train Day

Even on the days when we have time to watch the trains, sometimes they’re not very accommodating and we only see one during our visit. This was such a day.

Amtrak

Amtrak 195

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© This material is the intellectual property of Author Springwolf


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