Archive | March 2012

How the Draft Allows the President to Give 110% to the ninety-nine percenters or Operation Occupulco Spring

Mar31

You are President Jones. You are in the Amityville Horror, which is the codeword for the White House. You are here because you have given up on trying to escape. It might be Stockholm Syndrome. At least the place has good whiskey, food and TV.

As the President, you are expected to keep the wheels of industry turning by keeping them greased. And it doesn’t hurt if a little grease rubs off into your wallet either. So today, you’re going to be receiving a couple visitors who are the driving force behind those cogs and sprockets. It seems that they have an urgent problem and believe that you’re the guy to solve it. You do not have to be very bright to be a banker you guess.

Right on time, the intercom chimes and Brick House says, “Sir, your one o’clock is ready, Mr. Blank…”

“Brick?…” She really hates the codewords.

“Thurston Howell the Third and J.R. Ewing are here to see you, sir.”

It amazes you how she can enunciate so well without ever unclenching her teeth. “Please, send them in.”

The door opens and a couple of guys enter. They seem like ordinary rich people, but you know, in fact, that they are the people who actually run the Earth. Yes, kids, there are jobs even worse than being President. You usher them to the couch while Brick House gets them a couple of drinks. Continue reading →

This Is Your Brain On Stupid — #5

Mar30

The Wheel Barrel Incident

Um..Momma..I went into the backyard and recognized that the wheel barrel was filled with water and I put dirt in it, so it was muddy water. And I tried to pour it out…and…I poured it out into the lake…and..the wheel barrel went with it! Now I can’t get out!

Yep..the man child does it again…

© 2012 Evil Wordsmith. Evilwordsmith.com. All Rights Reserved.

A Nascar Record That Can Never Be Broken

Mar28

Robert “Red” Bryon
(March 12, 1915 – November 11, 1960)

"Red" Byron

The first race run at the Martinsville “paper clip” occurred on September 7, 1947 and Robert “Red” Bryon won $500 out of a $2,000 purse.

Robert “Red” Byron holds a record that can never be broken: he was the first NASCAR points champion. Red won the first NASCAR-sanctioned race on the beach-road course on February 15, 1948. He won 11 races that year, finished in the top three 23 times, and captured the first NASCAR championship.

Boulder, CO, Robert “Red” Byron moved to Anniston, AL at an early age. During World War II Byron served as a tail gunner on 57 missions in a B-24. He was shot down over Kikta in the Aleutian Islands on his 58th mission; one he flew for a friend whose wife was expected to give birth to their first child at any moment.

Although the doctors did not know if he would ever walk again, Red was determined to race. After 27 months in military hospitals with doctors trying to rebuild his left leg, Red returned to racing in February 1946.

Red retired from racing in the early 1950’s to head a sports car racing team. He died in 1960 from a heart attack. He was only 45. In 1966, Byron was inducted into the National Motorsports Press Association’s Hall of Fame at Darlington Raceway.

© 2012 Evil Wordsmith. Evilwordsmith.com. All Rights Reserved.

Why Nascar Fans Don’t Like Danica

Mar25

Earned..or..Entitled?
By Springwolf

Nascar is a family, for drivers and teams and for fans. Get to a track at 7am for tailgating and behind the back of every truck, suv or car will have some form of ‘homestead’ ready to party and have a good time with their neighboring tailgaters. People share specially cooked goodies, treats, recipes and cheers or chides for their neighbors favorite driver compared to their own. With such a family and fun loving comradery, why is it that some drivers aren’t welcomed into the fold equally or as openly as others?

Fans have their favorite drivers, favorite teams and favorite owners in each of the Nascar series. They also have those they don’t like and they’d love to see hit the wall and knock themselves out of the race. I could say there are drivers fans love to hate, but no matter how much fans don’t like a driver, they don’t want to see them hurt when they do hit the wall. So you can’t say real fans hate any of the drivers in the series. As long as they don’t hit the wall and then turn down into our favorite driver or one of his team mates.

So with all that family emotion going on in the stands and outside the track, as well as in the infield; why has it been so hard for Danica Patrick to find acceptance in Nascar? Well that’s easy, she hasn’t earned it. And that’s the only real reason.  Continue reading →

We’re Simple Nascar Fans

Mar24

Our Nascar Fan Stories

Yes we are huge fans in the Evil household.

Dale Earndhardt Jr.

Evil was born and raised in Charlotte, home of Nascar. You can’t grow up in that town without being exposed to racing. But his interest was a gradual thing. It began in the 1980s when he hung out with his closest friend, who happens to be his cousin, Kevin. Kevin was a big Dale Earnhardt Sr. fan. So it wasn’t unusual to find both boys relaxing on a hot Charlotte Sunday in the summers watching a race on TV.  EW is all about family and of course he supported the guy who was his cousins favorite driver. But that support slowly became his own and soon EW was not only a fan of Nascar but a die-hard fan of Dale Sr and that black #3.

Like everyone else, Evil was stunned when Dale Sr. was killed at Daytona. And like a lot of fans, his commitment to racing didn’t end, but rather shifted to The Intimidator’s son; Dale Jr. And he’s proud to be part of Jr. Nation!

Spring has been a fan since Darrell Waltrip’s rookie year in 1972. Being a fellow Tennessean, from Franklin Tennessee that little link made him her guy. As seasons came and went she picked up a second favorite, Davey Allison. Continue reading →

Virginia Probing

Mar24

I swear I’m going to start another blog with that title. Anyway, I know how to make the idiotic Virginia probe law fair. It’s simple, require the father of the child get the same probe. It would work like this.

 

Doc Hudson: It’s your choice, son, eighteen years of child support or an hour with Bessie.

Father: Who’s Bessie?

Doc Hudson: [Goes to a curtain and opens it, revealing something that looks like a sterile chain saw.] This’eres Bessie, the finest anal probing machine ever built. Continue reading →

A Book About Us

Mar20

greg.jpg
I do engineering work, and as a result I know quite a few technicians and engineers like me. One thing we all have in common is that we often seem cold and detached. We are well suited to mining through and moving data because it’s built into our psyche. We are also poorly suited for the emotional world around us.

Unfortunately our wives don’t always get to see the other sides of us. Sometimes in our effort to do what we see as our duty we bury that other side so deep that I’m sure it seems like that other side has simply vanished, or worse, was never there in the first place.

One of those engineer friends of mine, Greg Riffe,  has written a book which gives a unique look beneath his surface. I’m not finished reading it yet, but it’s obvious to me that he is bravely speaking for the rest of us who share this detached persona.

He’s opened up that other side for everyone to see. If you’re one of the spouses wondering if the rest of him is still in there, then this is a book you should read. If you’re one of the analytical types who seem unfeeling and overly guarded, you should read this and remember that part of yourself hidden deep within.

A Look Behind My Eyes, by Greg Riffe

E.W.

By the way Greg has been a very bad influence in my life. Talked me into doing really dumb things like quitting a perfectly good job and becoming self employed. Pretty sure he’s owed some bad Karma for that, and barring that maybe a beer or two. His friendship is one I truly honor and respect.

© 2012 Evil Wordsmith. Evilwordsmith.com. All Rights Reserved.

Serious Pagan Study

Mar20

I have been an atheist all of my life, shunning anything spiritual. Years ago I met a great guy who was devoutly Christian and I couldn’t help but notice what his deep spirituality did for him. I envied that a great deal.

Now I could never be Christian, I simply can’t get past a lot of the dogma that surrounds it. It just doesn’t fit me. However I did make a wonderful discovery in Paganism. I met some new friends who showed me that I can be spiritual simply by deciding for myself what I believe and how to use that belief.

In short, my religion is a religion of one. It is tailor made for me and by me. And I’d say that it works as well as my friend’s beliefs did for him.book-101.gif

Now I’m naturally a planner, there is still nothing more fun to me than playing with the kid and his Legos. And I build for a living as well. So it wasn’t too hard for me to build a religion without a plan. I did have plenty of good help, but I made the plan from scratch.

I realize that for a lot of people, they need someone else to help create the plan. Fortunately there are a number of good places to start, and here is one of them:
Pagan Metaphysics 101

E.W.
One of those people who helped me early on was, in fact the author of this book, Springwolf. Oh and she’s now my Queen. So yeah, I guess I cheated…

Things That Just Bother Me

Mar20

image1.jpgEver pull up to a stop light in traffic and look next to you and there is no car?  I mean there’s a car in front of you, and a car next to him, a car behind you and a car next to him, yet there is NO car next to you?  I always wonder which one of us has lost it.  Either that guy who stopped short sees a car that isn’t there, or there IS a car there and I can’t see it.  I’ve noticed it never happens when someone is in the car with me so I can ask, “Do you see the car sitting next to us?”

This happens a lot around Charlotte.  I think it might be insanity brought on by the fact that red lights last long enough here to read a novel.  Or, if I’m the one not seeing the cars, it’s insanity brought on by driving amongst the drivers here.

E.W.

Is there a rule in a book somewhere that says you have to count to 10 after the light turns green before you move?